On Thurday, October 22, 1998, at around noon I think, I entered the IRC channel #computers on EFnet to get some information on making your own computer components. I decided to start with asking simply about computers, to see how much the people there knew, although I was specifically looking for how to make chips and circuit boards.
I ended up getting banned, because I was smarter than the ops. (Well, one of the ops, anyway.) I now regret that I didn't log this chat, as it was pretty funny. I do, however, remember sort of how it went. Here is a re-creation of it. This is certainly not verbatim, but it's as close as I remember to what really happened... It should be pretty close. See for yourself how lame the ops are in #computers! (And yes, this really happened.)
(Nicks have been changed to protect the innocent, except for my own, which was FUDchild at the time.)
[FUDchild] Can somebody here please tell me how a computer works? [wooster] Well, I have 50 minutes left, so I don't have enough time to tell you. [partMan] well FUD, you need electricity [FUDchild] That's OK, I have electricity already. [wooster] Good, heh [partMan] And you need an on/off switch [FUDchild] Yup, I have that too. [partMan] Good... [partMan] Actually FUD there is way too much to explain. [wooster] FUD, just get an iMac, they're simpler. [FUDchild] Can you just give me a hasty synopsis then? [partMan] No. [FUDchild] OK... [FUDchild] iMacs can blow me off. :) [FUDchild] How can I make a chip? * partMan puts an iMac in his lap [partMan] Uhhhh... [partMan] You can't, unless you spend a few billion on a chip fab. [FUDchild] A chip fab? What's a chip fab? [partMan] Chip fabrication plant... [FUDchild] OK, where would I get one of those? [partMan] You can't, you need billions first [FUDchild] OK, then what? [partMan] dude [partMan] You can't. [partMan] There's no way. [FUDchild] Of course there is! Intel makes them! [partMan] Are you Intel? [FUDchild] No, why? [partMan] You can't make chips just because Intel does. [FUDchild] Sure I can... Hobbyists make their own chips don't they? [partMan] Man, you could get maybe 8088 speed if you made it yourself [FUDchild] So? 8088s rule!! [partMan] Hah [partMan] What can you do with a 8088? [partMan] You can't even run MS-DOS 1.0 with it [FUDchild] Sure you can. I personally know someone who has a 8088 and runs MS-DOS 3.3 on it. [partMan] Yeah, so [partMan] What can he do with it [FUDchild] He can do word processing. [partMan] whoa * partMan jizzes [FUDchild] And run CGA games. * partMan jizzes some more [FUDchild] ROFL [partMan] Get real [partMan] Nobody wants a 8088 [FUDchild] Sure they do. [FUDchild] Poor people would consider even an 8088 a Godsend. [partMan] No they wouldn't. [partMan] Get real man. [FUDchild] OK, fine... [FUDchild] How can I make a circuit board then? [partMan] Oh, man [partMan] you cant [wooster] Well, first you need a blank board [FUDchild] OK, I get that from Radio Shack, right? [partMan] FUD why don't you make your own OS? [wooster] Right [wooster] And then you need to cut it with an etcher [wooster] Also from RS [FUDchild] I'm working on my own OS right now... Don't expect to see it for a while though. [partMan] Don't worry, FUD, we won't [FUDchild] It'll probably take me a very long time. [FUDchild] Like years. [wooster] And some chemical to burn the circuits in... [FUDchild] I'll probably have better things to do before I finish. :) [wooster] Not sure exactly what the chemical's called, RS should have that for you too. [wooster] haha * wooster pulls out his BASIC compiler... ph33r my new OS. [FUDchild] Cool! Thanks... * FUDchild ph33rs wooster's OS. [wooster] That chemical is nasty stuff though... It burns [FUDchild] It's really corrosive? [FUDchild] If I poured it on my hands I'd have a bad day? [partMan] yes [partMan] very bad [wooster] I think it's sulfuric. [wooster] The reason I say that is because the stuff STINKS! [FUDchild] Hmmmmm, I'm not sure if I want to start fooling with extremely corrisive chemicals... [FUDchild] So what you're saying is maybe it's not such a great idea to make my own circuit boards... [partMan] WOW!!! YOU LEARNED SOMETHING!!! [FUDchild] Heh heh... [partMan] FUD man I wish foo were here [partMan] He'd straighten you out [FUDchild] Why do I need straightening out? [partMan] cause [partMan] you can't make all this stuff yourself [wooster] FUD you might as well make a whole computer if you're going to make chips and circuit boards [FUDchild] Good idea, thanks!... [FUDchild] ...OK, how do I make a hard disk? [partMan] dude [partMan] leave before I kick you out [FUDchild] Oops, sorry... [partMan] YOU CAN'T! [FUDchild] How about just a floppy disk, then? [FUDchild] partMan: You are wayyyyyyyyyyy too negative.
At this point, I got banned and kicked. I tried continuing with partMan in private /msgs. It went something like this:
[FUDchild] If a hard disk can't be made, how is it that I have one in my computer? [partMan] I didn't say they cant be made [partMan] numb nutz [FUDchild] Then why did you say I can't make one? I can do it if anyone else can. [partMan] YOU DON'T HAVE THE EQUIPMENT [FUDchild] So? I can always get it. [FUDchild] There's always the concept of acquiring what you don't have. [partMan] FINE [partMan] GET IT THEN [partMan] LEAVE US ALONE [FUDchild] OK, where would I get it from? [partMan] I DON'T KNOW [partMan] BYE [FUDchild] Well... You could have just said you don't know then. [FUDchild] Didn't have to b/k me.
He didn't reply after that, because he was a l4ym0r.
So, now you have seen a pretty much accurate re-creation of an actual IRC chat on EFnet's #computers. And you have seen what a lamer this op was!
Was I banned unfairly, or not? Let me know! E-mail me your thoughts on this! Tell me what you think of this page!
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