The iMac

The iMac is one of the most significant advances in computing ever. It has given rise to a huge selection of incredibly ugly imitation systems which "think different" by thinking exactly the same: If you make a computer which looks like a disco ball, people will be drawn to it because the way a computer looks is its most important spec.

However, the iMac is not truly a fully "full-featured" computer. Why? Because it lacks some features which would make it full. Hence, I have decided to compile the following list of...


1. Three fragrances: Pine tree, spring rain, and lemon! Dramatically increase your productivity through advanced multitasking; Freshen your whole home while you compute!

2. Waterproof keyboard (for users who drool).

3. Actual coffee cup holder (You know that legend about the guy who thought his CD-ROM drive was a coffee cup holder? Well, the iMac could've used a REAL one. Then again, you could use its own CD-ROM drive as a substitute, since it's not like you could find any software which would run on it anyway.)

Now that you know what features the iMac should have had, you might also want to know some...


1. Basketball practice. I really improved my slam-dunk by tossing my iMac into the garbage can.

2. A picture is worth a thousand words...

3. iMacs are heavy. If you hit someone on the head with one, it can be used as a personal self-defense weapon.

(Thanks to shufler for the following two suggestions:)

4. One word: Bonfire.

5. Graphic Design/Creation and Photo Manipulation. ... Wait... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(Thanks go out to Nielson for the following two suggestions:)

6. they make good boat anchors (what else would the handle be there for??)

7. they are easy to upgrade, on a pc you have to get the case off and pull the part out and replace with the new part, skip all that hassle if you own a mac the only way to upgrade it is to sell it and buy a new one.

(As you can probably tell, this page started as a simple idea I had, and didn't progress much beyond that stage. Oh well. If you have suggestions for additions, e-mail me.

iMac is a trademark of Apple. Apple is also a trademark of Apple. Tragically, however, ugly semi-transparent computer cases are not.

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